Life is really miserable. Ups and downs is always there. At the same time it helps us a lot to stand up still and moving forward. We may falling down a lot but yet we still try to stand up again. No matter what.

Friday, January 30, 2015

:: Because I Love You by Shakin' Steven ::

Hello there.

What a cold morning here. I am shivering! *sniff sniff*

Last night, I was paused for a while on listening this on Lite FM. This song, the melody and lyrics so beautiful and of course I'm in love with this song.

Why I love this song so suddenly? The reason is that yesterday I celebrated the 4th monthversary with him, my part time partner. I know it maybe too early for me to celebrated it. But why not? Its a way how I can attracted his feeling even though I know both of us will not be together in future. Despite, I would love to say my thankful to him as he has been by my side all this while. Thank you my baby sayang.

He maybe worried if he let me down, but as I had promised to him and to myself, I trully understand our situation. As long as I am happy be with him and we create a lot of memories as we can, so that I can keep it for the rest of my life. Just a memories to be remember.

Frankly speaking, I do miss him when he is not around. I do care a lot about him. I do pampered him a lot. And I do worried about him if he is in trouble. So, can it call as LOVE?? I don't know.

Okay. Enough with all with my story. Now, lets enjoy the song. Have a good day everyone.



Thursday, January 29, 2015

:: Just Let It Be ::

Hello there.

These few day is quite a hectic to me. Busy with work stuff, and some personal issue. *Sigh*

Since now is the end of the month, all of us busy with account closing. I started to feel pain on my shoulder. Headache. Its good if there someone can massage me. Eh.. I do have actually.. Hehehe..

Last few days, I quarrel with him. I know. Its my fault actually. I am not supposed to busybody about his thing. I admit that I over the limit. I'm doing it because I think I am too over protective.Thankfully, it only last for few hours. Then everything back to normal again. What is done, is done. Just forget and forgive. I don't like to make this argument continue for a very long time. Because I don't want to deal with it in forever and ever. Enough is enough. 

After this thing happened, it make me realize. I forget my deal with him before. Huhhh.. I should remember and always remember my deal. No emotions. No what so ever. Both of us are only having a part time relationship. I do not give a shit about his other relationship. Just let he do what he want to do with his girlfriends. I am not his girlfriend since I'm not admit myself as his girlfriend. We just a friend. But friend with benefit.

You may think that I am a not really good person. But hey, I also have a needs. I don't want to live with full of frustration, disappointed, losing hope and so on and so forth. Just enjoying my life. Doing what I like to do and regret nothing.

Okay. I think that all for a moment.


Monday, January 26, 2015

:: A Message from a Dream? ::

Hello there.

Some people believe that a dream carry a message or mean something. And I'm one of them. I believe on some dream that it gives me a message. Only the hardest part is that I need to interpret that message or just wait what is happening after I get that dream. Then, I will understand the message.

So in my case, last night I dream of my late aunt. She just passed away last 2 months. In my dream, as what I can remember is that we, all my family once again doing a funeral for her. But the weird thing is, all of us knew that we already make a funeral to her. So, its mean that we make a second funeral for her. In my dream too, we having that funeral at my grandparents old long house. In reality, my grandparent didn't stay anymore at that longhouse after burning incident on 2004. Hurm...

So, this morning I called my mum and tell her about my dream. Then she said that, my cousin which is son to my late aunt, he also dreamed of his mother. He say his mother crying and just cry. My mum said, maybe my aunt she look after her children even though she is in heaven right now. And maybe she is sad seeing her children are apart away from each other. Especially two of her younger daughter which is right now stay with my family. Both of them are need to stay with us since their older siblings are working and further their study at somewhere else. For a moment being, all of us need to take care both of them. And of course, all of us accept it sincerely since they are not strangers. They are part of the family.

Maybe...maybe my aunt want to say something. It just that we don't know what she is trying to say.

Aunt, i know you are far away from us. You watching us from the heaven. If there is anything that maybe worried you, please come again to my dream and say what you want to say. And yes, I really miss you so much. All of us do.. Really really miss you.


Friday, January 23, 2015

:: Heartless but Fragile ::

Hello there. 

Its cold here... *raining season* Since last night, rain is non-stop pouring at my place. So cold and it tempting me to keep sleep on my bed. However, I can't!! I need to get to work. Urgh... 

Seem its not so busy at my workplace today, as usual I spent my time by reading some few article. Only a random reading. And there is one article I think kind of related with me. The title is "So Heartless: Why A Girl Turn So Cold After Experiencing Heartbreak". It was written by Rachel Tenn. I love some of her point. Actually all of it. After I experiencing few of broke up and lost my hope on someone, slowly it has made me become who I am today. Heartless especially towards a guy. And yes, I admit that I am now involved with "friend-with-benefit" relationship. I know what I'm doing right now is not right. But hey.. I just want to live my life.

For some reason, I should not doing this kind of relationship. Even my girl friends said so. They afraid that it might make me more smashed and worst. When I think deeply, yes, what they are saying is true. Honestly, I just hate being alone. I just HATE IT! 

I do have friends but somehow I also need someone to pampered me, treat me passionately, care to me, love by someone and everything. I do heartless but at the same time I want attention from a man. Selfish right? 

I don't know. Clueless. 

To that someone, Thank you for always be there for me and always trying to make me smile and happy and yes I do happy when I'm with you. For a moment being, I have tonne of thing I want to share with you. But I need to keep it for a while. There will be a time and day I tell you. And I am sorry if I make you miserable or worried you to much. 


Monday, January 19, 2015

:: I'm Officially 26! ::

Hello there!

Today, 20 Jan, I am officially 26th years old. Thanks a lot to all my family and friends as they had wished me through SMS, Whatapps, WeChat and FB. I'm highly appreciated. As for 26 years I had lived in this beautiful world, there is no other I can say than THANK YOU. Thank you to the LORD as He had help me and guide me and always be guidance for no matter what. Thank you Lord.

Wow! This year, there is no such hang over party, or romantic dinner or whatever celebration as now I'm living with my own life. But its okay. I am just enjoying my new age with myself. Maybe later having 1 or 2 can of beers. Watching TV alone. Enjoying the movie. And sleep. For some it may sound boring and lame. Nothing is wrong with that. But for me, let me relax and enjoy my new age by myself and re-think back what my life goal.

So, hurm...let me sit back and relax.. and enjoying my first day as 26th years old person. Muehehehe!


Sunday, January 18, 2015

:: Woman Talks ::


How are you? I hope everyone is doing fine and feel great. Woman talks is my title. Why? Hehehe.. I can say it kinda reflection after I'm having a very relax talk with one of my friend. And plus, I consider both of us a woman now since our age is considerable enough to become a woman. :D 

So, yesterday one of our topic was Long Distance Career. Which is I define it as (my personal definition ok..?) We working to another place that is not our birth place and far from family. For the place, YES! I do want to work far away from my family since I would love to feel a new experience, new environment, meeting new people. But then, after I think a lot and see a lot of things happen in my family, its kinda hard for me to far away from my family. Plus, I am the eldest daughter in my family. So, the responsibility is there. RIGHT THERE! I can't leave them as I want. Once my family having trouble, they will looking for me. And at the same time, if I'm knowing that they have a problem, I terribly worry. My friend and I talks and think... maybe for a moment being I will be working near around with my family. Once I feel okay and stable, then I should make a move to another place. Its never wrong on trying something new. Its all depend with ourselves either we want to do it or not. 

I think I should start my plan. Travel. It doesn't matter where it should be as long as that I okay and enjoy, so it should be no problem. Hurm.. should start saving some moneys right now! *finger cross* 

So, that all from me. Thank you. 


Friday, January 16, 2015

:: Being a Single is Not a Crime ::

Hello there.

While I randomly scrolling my FB wall post, I saw this one article posted by one my FB's friendlist. It attracted my attention. The title was #SingleGirlProblems: The 17 Reasons I'm An Undateable Girl. . Its a good reading actually..(yeah, for single lady or women or girl) which it somehow telling the truth. So, here is what I've thought and opinion about the article.

Among all the 17 reason that had been stated, I love reason no 9 a lot. It is much better to hang out with a guy friend because I can do whatever I want and sometime pretending that I am their girlfriend even though it is not. *evil grin*. Futhermore, hanging out with them help me to understand more about guy feelings and somehow I am the one who suggest them how to flirt with a girl. It kinda win-win situation.

Reason no 7 is the best too. I have bestfriends and other girl friends which I always hanging out with. We talk about a lot of stuff. I love being with them, THATS IT. What other reason I should say? They understand me as who I am, so do I. So, no problem with that.. am I?

And, reason no 16. Heeeee... this one is kinda epic to me. It is ridiculous if someone say "Oh..i've meet my mr.perfect." Heyy... there is no one is perfect. is perfect for the first time. But, it slowly slowly getting low when you have no attraction or desire with your partner. Especially when you only want him because of his look or his money or his car or anything. In goal relationships, there is one thing you and your partner should have mutual interest, that is accept each other lack. Simple. But.. *sigh* For me, of course I want to love a right person. A person who deserve my love, my charm, my sweetness, blah blah blah. But, nay...let me focus what is in front of my eyes.

So, as I thought deeply and deeply about that article, for some reason Yes it is true. By the way, on the other point we all need someone to always be there for us. In a short time, we think that we don't need a man, but for a long time we really need them to accompany us during our good and bad day. Not everything we can share with our parents, or friends. It is true when we having a bad day, (as I feel from my past experience)  family is always there to help us. But deep inside our heart, we need that kind of attention from someone that he or she really taking care about us. Family is still a family but they also have other commitment with their own life. The most crucial thing being a single is, you will feel really alone and feel like an alien when most of friend a getting married and having a kids. And you still stay as the same situation. I am not saying that, all of us should be married. No.. what my point is that, the feeling you have when you surround by them living happily with their spouse and kids, you feel like you missing something. Something deep in your heart. *Only single girl understand what I'm saying*

So, that all I think. Till meet again with another post. Byeeeee

Thursday, January 15, 2015

:: Turning to New Phase of Age Soon ::


I hope that everyone (my follower) in a good health. Be happy and enjoying the day. So do I. I'm in middle of enjoying my happiness and excitement of the day.

Few more days left and I will turn to 26 years old. Pheeww.. what a life. 26 years I had breath at this beautiful earth. Surrounds by lovely and evilly people. Learn a lot from others. Still in middle on getting experience and knowledge which I believe it is useful in life. Kept the goods one, and take as a lesson for the bad one. Sometimes I do repeat the same mistake purposely because I love to break the rules. The joy of breaking the rules is awesome even though the result might be worst. Hahaha.. Well, I take responsibility on it. No problem. *evil grin*

I should say Thanks to The Lord for all this life that I had been through. There is ups and down. Even sometimes I always questioning why and what the purpose He tested me. Only He know the answers. And me, still doing the test and slowly build up my strength to be more patience, stronger and everything. It is because I believe there is a reason for everything. Honestly, my faith is still low. I still do repeat the same mistake. But I never forget of Him. Still I fear with Him. But yeah, human desire is never fail to make me do the same thing. However, being Thankful and Grateful to Him from me is never failed. He knows better than me, the very very very humble servant.

I also should say Thanks to my parent which they always been there for me. Taking a very good care of me, discipline me like a soldier (sometimes), which it make me a very ...well behave now. (kuikui) Their principle is always in my mind and I slowly knowing that I am now started to follow the steps of life. Think a lot before doing something. Make a consideration either my decision is good or bad for all parties. So on and so forth. However, I still not a good daughter to them. (my personal opinion). I still not good enough. Reason I think this way because I still fail on it. I don't know why. Hurm.. my job right now, my own living..I believe they still worry about me. (Maybe, I can't read their mind).

Being so thankful and grateful is the best feeling ever. Never asked for return. Just say thankful is enough. Even the greed is there, but feeling so thankful can defeat the greedy. Being the greedy is the worst because you will never feel satisfied. Always be a slave to ourselves. I don't like that. Because I am the one who control to my own self. Control my mind, my soul, my everything..

So, I wish with my new age which I will have it in few more days, I hope that I always been blessed and love by all as I love them all.

Thank you. Love you all. XOXO!

Thursday, January 8, 2015

:: Can You Stay With Me? ::


I think it is not to late for me to say Happy New Year to all of you. So today is the 9th day of the year. Everyone make or create new resolution ait? Hehe.. 

And also, I still have few more days to ended my 25th years of life and soon it change to 26. WOW! Thanks to Lord I still breathing and living in this beautiful and miserable world. Thank you Lord. I am so grateful. 

For this 25 years I had lived, as a person it was a lot I had been through and always been through. Life is full with up and down. Life is full of mystery. Life is full of sorrow, happiness etc. I still remember, when I was a little kid, very cute chubby girl, I am so active in school. I join many sports clubs. Every single evening, I never missed to joined a bunch of my friends to played in playground. At certain times, we play "perang-perang" (kind of like we are in a war battle). I have no problem at all to cover myself in mud, or climb a tree or walking with barefoot (until one time, there is one big scorpion stung on my ankle). As long as that I am enjoying myself playing happily with my friends. During that time, there is no such things word as "STRESS". 

Then slowly, I turn to teenage girl. Well, I can say that during my high school time, my style more like boyish. With short hair, simple t-shirt, using long pants or jeans. Just simple me. Then, slowly I get to know how to make over my face. Start to use mascara, eye shadow, lipsticks..*grinning* And my friends make a special request to me. They asked me to keep my hair long because I look more pretty with long hair. And I kept it.. Hahaha.. I really thanks to them because has helped me to know this and that about make up thing. Hahaha. Teenage love? Yeah.. I'm not really have couple during my high school but YES! I do admire few boys back then. Every year I change my admiration from one boy to another boy. Its normal la. What I can say is that, I have 3 types relationship during my high school that is,  2 weeks relationship, 2 months, and 2 years. Well, the 2 years relationship is happened during my Pre-U. I met this boy from my cousin. We become a friend, then fall in love then become lovey dovey. But we ended our relationship on my first year at university. There was few misunderstanding, plus we are far from each other so we rarely contact. Only met during semester break. And we always fight with each other. So I decide to break up. After that heartbroken break up, he still text and called me, but I never reply. For me, what is over is over. No turning back. I entered university, took Bachelor Degree in Social Science at UNIMAS, meet a lot of friends. Still active with sports especially handball, and of course I started to know how to parteeyhhhh!! Oh yeah baby.. C'mon! Hahahaha... 

Now, 2015. Here I am. Still single. Have a job, at least. Experiencing another mysterious of life. I meet a good boss and not so good boss. Reading and scrolling my friend's (who living far from my place now...) Facebook status said that they married, having a baby, etc. Another WOW! I congratulated them and they asked me " Kau bila lagi Grace?" (when will be your turn Grace?) Errk!! Still need to wait a veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy long time. I myself don't know when will be my turn. Huhuhuhu... 

When I think back, what a good life I've ever had during my childhood. How I wish I can back again to that time. My adult life somehow is suck. I'm tired with a lot of things happen in my family. Somehow, it tested my faith and patience. I'm to tired to stand alone and keep holding the wall that blocks my happiness. Its really hard. I know my family is always there for me but not all can be share. I pray a lot to The Lord. I want be strong and keep stronger by HIS help. Never stop and no doubt. I can questioning what His test but it make me think why He tested me so hard? That is life. It depend on how we handle it, right? 

So, I think that all for this time. Till I write again at the next post.. Byee.. 

:: Side Dish ::

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