Firstly, i would like to wish a very blessed Christmas to all Christians. May Christmas this year bring joy and happiness to all of us since this is the day where we gather with our family. The day where we meet the long distance relatives. The day we laugh out loud. Most importantly, the day we sharing our happiness among family. Also, a very Happy New Year 2015.
Personally, this is my first Christmas that I'm not really excited. Why? This year was a very tough year to me and my family. Usually, when Christmas is around the corner, me myself and mum are so excited. Bake cookies, cakes, buy new clothes, new shoes and so on and so forth. But this year? No.. i'm not excited for Christmas this year. A lot of things happen this year. I can say that 2014 was the worst year ever. But not all the days of course.
I lost my aunt. She had leave us on 5th of November. Seriously, it was a big lost to all of us. Every year, my mum and I always called her, asked her how many cakes she bakes. What cookies she doing. And did she make tuak (rice wine). But this year, she is not around. Her loses make my heart full of emptiness. I can't taste her cakes, cookies, her special dish. :( Its really really really really make my heart in pain.
A month after she leave us, than my daddy involve with car accident. Luckily he is ok. But still, its make me more afraid on losing someone that i care so much. Frankly speaking, I'm not close with my dad, but yes i do love him. When something is wrong happen among family, I can't think rightly. Some people saw me like I'm not really that care but actually I am! It just that I need to be strong in front of them. I can't show them I'm weak. After my dad accident, thing get worst when I know that he is been force by his superior to quit. Damn! I really don't know what to say. Only because of stupid reason, he need to quit?
Recently, my boss also quit from his job and not longer working as our manager. Same situation like my dad but different cases. I feel like.. I'm losing my inspiration when my manager is quit. Sudden quit.
What a tough year isn't it? Somehow, I feel like this life is so cruel, unfair. It is unfair and cruel. But then, what else I can do? Keep on praying, hoping and etc? It really really make me feel tired mentally and physically. I don't know until when I can hold it. Its really tough for me. I am trying to be happy, doing something I like, enjoying my life. By doing this, maybe I feel okay.
For a moment being, I feel grateful for having someone that can be my side. But its only for temporary. I don't know until when our relationship will last. Well, we not that special relationship. We are not lovers but we more than friend. At least, when I'm being with him it help me. We talk random stuff. Doing stupids things together. Arguing. Its not that I don't have other friends. I do have my bestfriends. They are my sisters. But they are far from me. And they are busy with their family. With him, I can express more my thought, my feelings. I feel comfortable with him. But yeah, I can't be serious with him because I know and always know that we both agreed on something. When its time for both of let go, so let it go. That is our agreement. And that is why I said we are not lover but more than friend. And I am readily for any circumstances. Honestly, I do care about him. I care everything about him. But right now, I need to slowly being away from him. I'm not being a meany person. It just that I don't want to feel any lovey dovey stuff with him. I can't hoping on him. Otherwise, it make me more terrible and feel the worst ever.
WOW!! What a long wrapping I have done here?? Well, that is ... i can say that is my summary for this year. Hehehe.. Thanks for reading it. And sorry if (maybe) my words here make u feel annoying. So, I'm out first and i will update my blog again...coming soon.
Once again, a VERY HAPPY MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR.
Ok.. i'm done here. Bye...