Life is really miserable. Ups and downs is always there. At the same time it helps us a lot to stand up still and moving forward. We may falling down a lot but yet we still try to stand up again. No matter what.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

:: Blossom of Love? ::

Hello there. 

I think almost  a week I didn't update my blog. Its been a busy week for me. Busy getting money as some people said. I do but I don't want to be money's slave. Hoho.. I just want to have money for a living. A good live of course. 

Okay. Last time I did post about my current situation with my part time partner. Erm..did I mention he cried because of me? Let me make it simple. I never expected that he would cried for me. I don't know either he cry because he love me or he worried he played with my heart. I don't know. I only know he cried. So suddenly!! I asked him why, then he said he cried because he feel guilty with me. He feel that he seem play with my heart. If he not say "Yes" when I'm offering my deal last time, he will not feel the guiltiness on me. Then, because I saw he cried, I tell him I can let him go he want to and I don't want he feel sad or sympathy on me. You want to know what his answer? He said "NO!. I don't want you to let me go and I don't want to let u go too."  And me? Ok. Fine, if he said that so. 

Honestly, I feel the same way. I also don't want to let him go because I care a lot about him. But, if situation is getting worst in future, all I can do is to let him go. Heart is broken or not is not a question. The only thing matter is I want to see he happy with his life and his choice. He deserves to choose his life path. I can't force him to love me back. Because I don't want him love me because of sympathy. I only want he love me sincerely as I do feel to him now.

For a moment being, our relationship is still okay. We still doing crazy thing together. Sometimes I'm wondering why I like him. *wink wink* The first thing that make attract to him is his name. His name is one of a kind. I meet him for first time, my heart pumping faster like it want to explode. Oh gucci. You may say I over making story but that was I feel and YES! I still the same feeling until today. Hahaha.. silly right? I admit that I am the one who make the first move. Invite him to have a drink, just two of us. Then, today? I don't know how to say. HAHA! 

Girls and women out there, don't be afraid to flirt on someone that you attract with. Its not a crime. You flirt then you friend with him but don't OVER FLIRTING!. After that, when you feel comfortable, keep it on. Flirt some more with him. If you uncomfortable, then flirt with other person. Simple. Hehehe.. Be friend with a lot of guys and then you can choose which one is you think suitable with you. I just saying my opinion. Choice is in you hand. Am i right?

Okay. I think that all for a time being. See you again on my next post. 


Tuesday, February 3, 2015

:: I Love You but You Are Not Mine ::

Hello there. 

**deep sigh** 

I don't know what should I do now. *sigh* 

Last night my colleagues and I having beers together. We celebrated one of our field staff who had achieved his target this month. So, of course my part time partner was there too. After I helped them clear things up, both of us converse for a while. Then suddenly, he cried. OHMAIGAD! 

He repeatedly saying that it his fault for having relationship with me. He looks like he is playing with my heart. He also said that he do have feeling on me but he confused. He confused because at the same time he love his girlfriend. I persuade him and tell him everything will be alright. It is not his fault at all. I am the one who starting this love game because of my selfishness. I greedy on seeking love. Only because of my emptiness, I had make him suffered like this. 

I told him, I ready to let he go. But he refused. He still want with me. And I? I don't know. I had been thinking all this day. What I had done?  I must let him go. Even though its hard for me. I slowly love him and care for him. But I can't see he in suffered or in pain mentally because of me. I'm a bad person in this situation. I admit it! 

For a first place, I just want to trick him for a good reason. And at the same time, my cousin challenge me. I accepted the challenge. And now? I have to accept the price that I had pay. I never thought this will happen until this far.

You may say I'm not a good woman. Play with man heart. And whatsoever. I admit it. And its totally my fault. And I do love him. I love him as my only man. He is the one in my heart now. One and only. I never declare he is my boyfriend and so do I, never declare as his girlfriend. Only he the one think that I am his girlfriend. I rejected it. I much more prefer to be his part time partner. If he really want me as his girlfriend, he should leave his two other girlfriends and married with me. It may look sooooooooo traditional. Of course! Because we slept together every night. If I can, I want to propose him as my husband. I do! But, I can't. I can't force him to love me.

Dear Baby Sayang, 
Sorry. And Thank you for be part of my life. I highly appreciated every moment we had spent together all this time. I am love you and always miss you even you are next to me. Once, when everything is settled up, I let you go to your own path. I'm sorry if I'm hurting you. Sorry baby. I am Love you. But, sadly you are not totally mine. Sorry baby. And thank you. Thank you so much. 


:: Side Dish ::

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