Unhidden Pandora

All this while, I wrote in English. But this time, please allow me to write in Malay. Berdirinya ku disini, Bukan kerana ku melawan. Jatuhnya aku, Bukan kerana aku kalah. Tetapi, Berdirinya aku, Kerana aku tetap dengan peganganku. Jatuhnya aku, Kerana aku ingin bangkit semula. Biar rintangan yang datang, Biar halangan ku tempuh, Tetapnya aku kuat dan kukuh, Kuatnya aku kerna aku percaya. Kuatnya aku kerna aku yakin. Bangkitnya aku kerna aku ingin terus sedar. Sedar akan khilafku, Sedar akan egoku. Usainya waktu nanti, Akan ku undur diri, Setelah ku pasti semuanya terjawab.

Judgmental, hyper critics, and blaming others is the worst mistake every one of us has been made.  Never tolerate, Never fill others people shoes. It worst! And it's lead to misunderstanding. Just because we never know them, we simply critize them. Just because we are taking things for granted, we become selfish. It is not hard for us to know and understand. Who are we to judge other peope life? Human desire will be never satisfied. Its keep on hurting people and to us too. Be kind. Be cool. And live the life to the best till our last breath.

TRUST. A word that mean a lot of thing to a person. Once you trust on somebody, you will kept on holding the trust in whatever reason. If it broke, you will crush into a thousand of piece. It is not easy to fix a broken trust. It will take a lot of time.

I believe each of us having our own faith, our own hope and our own love. Each of us have faith. Each of us have hope. Each of us have love. But, what make us differ to each other? Our situation. Our surrounding. Every single day, we had have gone through a lot of things. Some receive a good news and some are bad news. For others who seemly hard to understand, they found it as annoying. Meanwhile, for others they found it as one of our responsibilities to taking care to each other. So, to whom we seek faith, hope and love? For me, its all come from my own heart. My own desire. My own pleasure. I keep my faith so I always know I am not alone. I keep on hoping because I know there will be a rainbow after rain. And I keep on fall in love and always in love to everyone because I know love is the greatest thing in world. How about you?

Every each of us have different hardships. Some don't have shelter. Some don't have family. Some are isolated. All of us have hardship in life. Including me. Only the different is how we handle it and solve it. We struggling so hard so we can survive in this cruel world. More to worst, mostly all of us give up. Why? We may feel envious with others life. Friend, relatives or even to strangers. How lucky they are. What a good life they have. That is our thought. But we never put ourselves in their shoes. For others, we only see their appearance but we always failed to see their true color. Me? I am no exceptional. What lucky they are have a big house. What lucky they are have a job with high paid. The thought of "lucky" itself bring a burden to me. Why? We may forget that we sometimes are lucky. But we forget. We may grateful sometimes. But we forget. How forgetful we are. Is it true? How thankful we are. But, somehow we always forget. F...

Hello everyone. Sorry for my missing since im too busy with my work. Last few days, i heard Adele's song, Don't You Remember was played at cafe while i'm having dinner with my housemate. This song remind me about how to love one another. It seem that i almost forgot how to love others. Especially love myself. I'm too busy to please other until i forget to please myself. Huhu.. what a pathetic. After this, i will love myself more.. And my dear friends, please love yourself too. Because there is no other person can love you more except yourself. :D Regards, Gracie..

Hello. 6 months. 6 months I've been in strange, complicated and untold relationship with him. 6 months I had knowing a lot of thing. 6 months I doing something new to me. 6 months.... The only word that i can express is THANK YOU. Thank you for be part of my life. Thank you for the love. Thank you for the caring as I had received. Thank you for everything. Thank you so much. All the memories we had created together is worthy for me. Even it only for a short time of period, but I highly appreciated for what you had done to me. I hope after this we can be a friend. Just a friend. Regards. Gracie

Should i or not, Keeping this feeling? The sweetness and tenderness are slowly losing. Sound of laughing is more like a need to laugh A laugh that are force to do To satisfied others. The smiling.. Not as tender as before Feeling of like have to do is exist Its kinda distract. Should i or not, Leaving you? Feeling of loving you is one of the thing i treasure the most. Feeling of loving you is the best thing i ever had. You make me be myself. You bring out the best of me. Should i or not, Fear of losing you. Be the one side love, is the hardest. You may like me, but you may not love me as i do. I am not seeking for reward. I just want be appreciated. What should i do?

Hello!! So, how was your weekend guys? I'm pretty sure all of you have great weekends with family and friends. Or maybe some of you just chillax and relax alone at home after deal with tiresome weekdays with work. My last weekend was...erm.. i can said that it was a bit exhausted weekend. My family and I are busy on preparing a funeral for my late little baby cousin. He was died on 14th March midnight. He only 4 months. (T.T) His dead was caused by his heart are unable to pumped as normal people. Poor baby. Although he was live shortly in earth, but i believe his parents and grandmama and so do his aunt are terrible shock with his dead. He is just a baby. On the day we pay a last respect to little baby, we had a last prayer to him. And there was a reading state that " When a young people and the old one dies, there is a different. The olders we respect his/her dead because we ourselves known them for a long time being. And we respect their dead. But when the young one ...

Hello..  I'm wishing all of you have a good day today.  I am one of Sam Smith's fan.  I love most all of his song. His song, the lyrics, seriously... really hit myself.  All the meaningful lyrics, i can say it related to my life right now.  Be in complicated and secretive relationship with my part time partner, really make me in complicated. I can say it all blame on me. Why? Slow and slowly, i started to love him. The feeling slowly raising in my heart.  But, i can't ask him to leave his lover just for me. It is called SELLFISH!  Of course I want he be in my arm, close to my heart beat.. But what can i do? Except wishing him the best. I have to let this relationship just be ...just let it be.  :(  Regards,  Gracie

Hello everyone. Yeah..i know its been almost 2 weeks i did not updated my blog. Quite busy lately. Please forgive me..ok? Actually, there was a lot of thing happened to me. Family, workplace and my own personal issue. Hurm.. As the eldest siblings, i have to deal with a lot of responsibility. My others siblings which are my brothers, they are still schooling. Plus, my father are not working currently. I can say it quite hard for me. My point here is, this responsibility really really really need full commitment. Only now I realized it. (sigh)... I believe, every single person on this earth are having family problem. Except that,the situation is different. If it same, still it different. (do you know what i'm trying to say?) I have this one thinking that i should escape away for a while from this problem. But then, I think back. If i escape, then come back, still the problem is there. Thanks a lot to one of my dearest friend, Diana. She talk a lot to me about this matter. It i...

Hello there.  I think almost  a week I didn't update my blog. Its been a busy week for me. Busy getting money as some people said. I do but I don't want to be money's slave. Hoho.. I just want to have money for a living. A good live of course.  Okay. Last time I did post about my current situation with my part time partner. Erm..did I mention he cried because of me? Let me make it simple. I never expected that he would cried for me. I don't know either he cry because he love me or he worried he played with my heart. I don't know. I only know he cried. So suddenly!! I asked him why, then he said he cried because he feel guilty with me. He feel that he seem play with my heart. If he not say "Yes" when I'm offering my deal last time, he will not feel the guiltiness on me. Then, because I saw he cried, I tell him I can let him go he want to and I don't want he feel sad or sympathy on me. You want to know what his answer? He said "NO!. I ...

Hello there.  **deep sigh**  I don't know what should I do now. *sigh*  Last night my colleagues and I having beers together. We celebrated one of our field staff who had achieved his target this month. So, of course my part time partner was there too. After I helped them clear things up, both of us converse for a while. Then suddenly, he cried. OHMAIGAD!  He repeatedly saying that it his fault for having relationship with me. He looks like he is playing with my heart. He also said that he do have feeling on me but he confused. He confused because at the same time he love his girlfriend. I persuade him and tell him everything will be alright. It is not his fault at all. I am the one who starting this love game because of my selfishness. I greedy on seeking love. Only because of my emptiness, I had make him suffered like this.  I told him, I ready to let he go. But he refused. He still want with me. And I? I don't know. I had been thinking al...

Hello there. What a cold morning here. I am shivering! *sniff sniff* Last night, I was paused for a while on listening this on Lite FM. This song, the melody and lyrics so beautiful and of course I'm in love with this song. Why I love this song so suddenly? The reason is that yesterday I celebrated the 4th monthversary with him, my part time partner. I know it maybe too early for me to celebrated it. But why not? Its a way how I can attracted his feeling even though I know both of us will not be together in future. Despite, I would love to say my thankful to him as he has been by my side all this while. Thank you my baby sayang. He maybe worried if he let me down, but as I had promised to him and to myself, I trully understand our situation. As long as I am happy be with him and we create a lot of memories as we can, so that I can keep it for the rest of my life. Just a memories to be remember. Frankly speaking, I do miss him when he is not around. I do care a lot abou...

Hello there. These few day is quite a hectic to me. Busy with work stuff, and some personal issue. *Sigh* Since now is the end of the month, all of us busy with account closing. I started to feel pain on my shoulder. Headache. Its good if there someone can massage me. Eh.. I do have actually.. Hehehe.. Last few days, I quarrel with him. I know. Its my fault actually. I am not supposed to busybody about his thing. I admit that I over the limit. I'm doing it because I think I am too over protective.Thankfully, it only last for few hours. Then everything back to normal again. What is done, is done. Just forget and forgive. I don't like to make this argument continue for a very long time. Because I don't want to deal with it in forever and ever. Enough is enough.  After this thing happened, it make me realize. I forget my deal with him before. Huhhh.. I should remember and always remember my deal. No emotions. No what so ever. Both of us are only having a part time rela...

Hello there. Some people believe that a dream carry a message or mean something. And I'm one of them. I believe on some dream that it gives me a message. Only the hardest part is that I need to interpret that message or just wait what is happening after I get that dream. Then, I will understand the message. So in my case, last night I dream of my late aunt. She just passed away last 2 months. In my dream, as what I can remember is that we, all my family once again doing a funeral for her. But the weird thing is, all of us knew that we already make a funeral to her. So, its mean that we make a second funeral for her. In my dream too, we having that funeral at my grandparents old long house. In reality, my grandparent didn't stay anymore at that longhouse after burning incident on 2004. Hurm... So, this morning I called my mum and tell her about my dream. Then she said that, my cousin which is son to my late aunt, he also dreamed of his mother. He say his mother crying and ...

Hello there.  Its cold here... *raining season* Since last night, rain is non-stop pouring at my place. So cold and it tempting me to keep sleep on my bed. However, I can't!! I need to get to work. Urgh...  Seem its not so busy at my workplace today, as usual I spent my time by reading some few article. Only a random reading. And there is one article I think kind of related with me. The title is " So Heartless: Why A Girl Turn So Cold After Experiencing Heartbreak ". It was written by Rachel Tenn. I love some of her point. Actually all of it. After I experiencing few of broke up and lost my hope on someone, slowly it has made me become who I am today. Heartless especially towards a guy. And yes, I admit that I am now involved with " friend-with-benefit " relationship. I know what I'm doing right now is not right. But hey.. I just want to live my life. For some reason, I should not doing this kind of relationship. Even my girl friends said so. Th...

Hello there! Today, 20 Jan, I am officially 26th years old. Thanks a lot to all my family and friends as they had wished me through SMS, Whatapps, WeChat and FB. I'm highly appreciated. As for 26 years I had lived in this beautiful world, there is no other I can say than THANK YOU. Thank you to the LORD as He had help me and guide me and always be guidance for no matter what. Thank you Lord. Wow! This year, there is no such hang over party, or romantic dinner or whatever celebration as now I'm living with my own life. But its okay. I am just enjoying my new age with myself. Maybe later having 1 or 2 can of beers. Watching TV alone. Enjoying the movie. And sleep. For some it may sound boring and lame. Nothing is wrong with that. But for me, let me relax and enjoy my new age by myself and re-think back what my life goal. So, hurm...let me sit back and relax.. and enjoying my first day as 26th years old person. Muehehehe! Regards, Gracie.

Hello..  How are you? I hope everyone is doing fine and feel great. Woman talks is my title. Why? Hehehe.. I can say it kinda reflection after I'm having a very relax talk with one of my friend. And plus, I consider both of us a woman now since our age is considerable enough to become a woman. :D  So, yesterday one of our topic was Long Distance Career. Which is I define it as (my personal definition ok..?) We working to another place that is not our birth place and far from family. For the place, YES! I do want to work far away from my family since I would love to feel a new experience, new environment, meeting new people. But then, after I think a lot and see a lot of things happen in my family, its kinda hard for me to far away from my family. Plus, I am the eldest daughter in my family. So, the responsibility is there. RIGHT THERE! I can't leave them as I want. Once my family having trouble, they will looking for me. And at the same time, if I'm knowing that th...

Hello there. While I randomly scrolling my FB wall post, I saw this one article posted by one my FB's friendlist. It attracted my attention. The title was #SingleGirlProblems: The 17 Reasons I'm An Undateable Girl. . Its a good reading actually..(yeah, for single lady or women or girl) which it somehow telling the truth. So, here is what I've thought and opinion about the article. Among all the 17 reason that had been stated, I love reason no 9 a lot. It is much better to hang out with a guy friend because I can do whatever I want and sometime pretending that I am their girlfriend even though it is not. *evil grin*. Futhermore, hanging out with them help me to understand more about guy feelings and somehow I am the one who suggest them how to flirt with a girl. It kinda win-win situation. Reason no 7 is the best too. I have bestfriends and other girl friends which I always hanging out with. We talk about a lot of stuff. I love being with them, THATS IT. What other re...